After a 4-0 thrashing at home, there's no better way to cheer yourself up than reliving the funniest football phone-in ever.

I have to thank Gilberto the Crazy Arab, who put the link on The Arabian messageboard to the amazing call from Gordon the United fan and the tale of how his dad made him a bow-tie to wear to the game.

I listened to it four times at work yesterday and it got funnier every time. By the end, I had tears streaming down my face and had forgotten all about the Motherwell result.

If you've never heard it before, prepare for a piece of magic. If you have, it just gets better every time.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hhk8VVS2AU&feature=channel_page

As Lance-Corporal Jones used to say in Dad's Army, "Don't Panic!"

One shockingly heavy home defeat by Motherwell certainly made for a depressing afternoon and a right good slagging at the office today. But it doesn't constitute a crisis.

Look at the facts. One defeat in 19 games before Sunday. Through to the semi-final of the CIS Cup. Unbeaten in four games against the Old Firm. Playing the best football we've seen in a decade. Attendances at Tannadice rising and the feelgood factor spreading.

That's why I couldn't believe the people who booed United off the pitch at half-time and some of the ridiculous abuse certain players were getting from the loudmouths. OK, so we were 3-0 down and some of our defending was a joke. But put it in context.

The game was a bit surreal. For 20-odd minutes we looked very comfortable and Warren Fenney had a couple of great chances to put us ahead. If we'd scored, I'm sure we would have gone on to record another routine win.

But we didn't and instead we self-destructed and Motherwell found their shooting boots. Lukasz Zaluska kept passing the ball out to defenders who didn't have time or space to deal with it. Sean Dillon kept passing to the opposition. Scott Robertson and Willo Flood kept getting caught in possession. Garry Kenneth and Lee Wilkie were all over the shop and Craig Conway seemed to be attached to a piece of rope that prevented him from going down the wing.

That's the point. After Motherwell's goal, virtually our whole team were absolutely awful. I'd give Morgaro Gomis pass marks, but even the subs failed to turn it on. Danny Swanson got caught for the fourth goal and Francisco Sandaza, running in on goal, managed to sclaff the ball with his standing foot out for a goal kick.

It was just a very, very bad day at the office. We musn't forget the amazing progress we have made under Craig Levein. And sometimes we have to repay what he and the players have done by backing them when it's not going well.

I'll be cheering extra-loud when the boys run out on to the pitch against St Mirren on Saturday. We need a
win to get us back in the groove before the semi against Celtic and then a trip to Ibrox.

With Aberdeen on a fantastic run and Hearts still looking consistent, it's going to be a real battle for third.

Keep the faith.

It's just too exciting for words being an Arab right now. In fact, the only one letting the side down at the moment is me.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned - it's been two months since my last blog entry. I'd like to use the excuse that I've been too busy with work, but as my job is supposed to be about digital publishing, it's a pretty lame one.

Since my last entry, the following things have happened - we've gone another eight games unbeaten, had two thrilling 2-2 draws with the Old Firm, signed Lee Wilkie, Sean Dillon, Darren Dods and David Robertson to long-term deals and got a promise from Craig Levein that he's intending to stick around for some time.

Not too shabby at all.

Sunday's Scottish Cup tie at Ochilview was a bit of light relief in the midst of all the SPL action. For fans of a certain vintage like me, it was brilliant to be standing again at a game. Most of my best United memories seem to involve being a teeanger and getting lifted off my feet in the Shed and being carried towards the goal by the surge after another great European goal. Scary - but great fun at the time.

The East Stirling game was like a throwback - all the fans packed in under the terracing roof, tiny toilets and a Tannoy announcer who just wouldn't shut up.

But there were two moments that made me laugh. One was the sight of Lukasz Zaluska - a week after playing in front of 60,000 - hurdling obstacles to get a ball that had gone into the adjoining practice pitch while the rest of the players twiddled their thumbs waiting for him to return. Come on East Stirling - surely a bag of sweeties and fizzy pop for one ball boy wouldn't break the bank!

The other great moments came when a particularly flame-haired police officer patrolling behind the goal came in for dog's abuse from the United fans. Chants of "ginger hair is unacceptable" and "your hair, your hair, your hair is on fire" had his colleagues in blue cracking up.

Anyway, back to the bread and butter this week with the visit of Motherwell. Warren Feeney, who's been very impressive in recent weeks, should be back in the team, leaving the fit-again Francisco Sandaza tearing up and down the touchline in his tracksuit again trying to catch Craig's eye.

As predicted in this very blog, Warren's on-loan colleague Roy O'Donovan didn't stick around at Tannadice after Christmas. His admission that he "didn't do his homework on Dundee United or the SPL" told you eveything you needed to know about a big-time Charlie who felt he would walk into the diddy Scottish team. Good luck at Blackpool now, Roy.

Finally, congratulations to the board and everyone at Tannadice for returning the club's first profit since 1997. Eddie's legacy lives on.

Thank you, Scott Robertson. I was about to dwell on Saturday's disappointingly poor show at Kilmarnock when in came the news about your Scotland call-up.

I don't think too many Arabs will disagree that Scotty has been our most consistent player this season. He's turned out to be a real engine in the heart of midfield, taking on a lot of the thankless duties that Mark Kerr and the Fresh Prince did last season.

But Scott has added an attacking element that, combined with Jimmy Gomis' trickery and the strong running of Craig Conway and Willo Flood, has made us a joy to watch at times.

In case you haven't heard, Scott has just been called up today as a replacement for the Scotland squad for the Argentina game at Hampden on Wednesday. It's a big step up for a guy who has played only 14 league games in the SPL. But he deserves it.

On to Saturday at Rugby Park. It was our poorest show since the Hamilton game on opening day. The first half was dull beyond belief and we just didn't show up in the second.

Killie's Mehdi Taouil was the big difference, winning a penalty on the stroke of half-time. United's defence was all over the place in the second half and Sandaza and O'Donovan didn't do much up front.

Conway was right off the boil and it was a surprise when Willo went off for Danny Swanson rather than Conway. Jon Daly should have got a penalty when he was shoved from behind - but at 2-0 down I'm not sure it would have made much difference.

The United support, to their credit, sang all day. And the Rugby Park announcer seemed determined to tell us there were 617 Arabs in the ground - he mentioned it three times in his Tannoy announcements and thanked us for coming. Very civilised!

Anyway, we're back at the fortress this Saturday for a chance of revenge against the Accies and hopefully the start of another unbeaten run.

Maybe it's time to freshen things up. I'd bring back Daly for O'Donovan, reintroduce Prince Buaben into the centre of midfield and put Gomis wide left instead of Conway. But then what do I know?

I've just joined Row Z's fine team of bloggers - and what a time to start!

Nine games unbeaten, including seven wins, and a thrilling 3-3 draw at Ibrox.

We hung on a bit yesterday after a flying start against Aberdeen at Tannadice. But now Sir Craig has added that steely resolve to our undoubted talent and flair.

As a natural pessimist after years of under-achieving and false dawns, I'm starting to feel a tiny bit confident. Hell yes, I haven't felt this good since the giddy days of the 1996-97 season, when we went on a 13-game unbeaten run under Tommy McLean that included eight league wins in a row and helped us to a third-place finish.

There's more than a few similarities between that team and the current one. We signed a full back, midfielder and striker out of nowhere who went on to form the backbone of an exciting side. Erik Pedersen, Lars Zetterlund and Kjell Olofsson cost less than £500,000 in total but rapidly became fan favourites.

This season, we added Paul Dixon and Scott Robertson from Dundee and Francisco Sandaza from Valencia's reserve team - and they didn't cost a penny. Dixon and Robertson are hugely impressive and look as if they've been playing in the SPL for years and the Sandancer is finally coming on to a game after a sticky start.

Hibs at home on Wednesday will be another toughie. Maybe it's time to give one or two of the lads a breather and bring the Prince or Danny Swanson into midfield.

This year we've got strength in depth and Jon Daly must be knocking on the door for a return too, especially if Sandaza doesn't recover from his knock on Saturday. Roy O'Donovan didn't do himself any favours by racing off the pitch on Saturday without acknowledging the fans or his team mates. He doesn't seem to happy up here and I think he may be heading back down the road to Sunderland at Christmas.

The last word goes to Lucasz Zaluska, who's turning into our most solid keeper in years. The way we're defending, he's often only getting a handful of touches in a game. But he's pulled off some stunning saves in recent weeks and against Aberdeen plucked a couple of crosses right off Lee Miller's head to help out his back four.

Guest blogged by Ewan Watt

We knew it was coming. We knew long before that epic CIS Cup final last March, when we chanted his name at Hampden and wore his name on our T-shirts.

We knew when he waved from the dugout at our last home game, too ill to climb the stairs in the stand that bears his name.

But today's news that Eddie Thompson has finally lost his long, courageous battle with prostate cancer still comes as a sickening blow.

Francesco Sandaza (Signed, 11th July, 2008)

a.k.a

"Sand-dancer"

sand - danc·er
-noun
1. a person who is akin to the arabs
2. a person who dances professionally, as on the sand.

In the town of Dundee, in a towering football stadia named Tannadice....

After hours of searching through page after page on the Amazon sports DVD section, Levein finally plumped for 'Sand Dancer' an epic 360 minute film that told a convincing tale.

The tale of a young Spanish striker named Francesco Sandaza, engulfed in a season long war against the defenders of Spanish B teams; determined by nature to make the big time and finally get the chance to dance on the sands of Tannadice.

Finally, 23 goals the better; he set's off for a meal with Levein.

Fly-on-the-wall-conversation-revealed

"Pess us a pe big yin," Sandaza
"Gonnae jst join?," Levein
"Pe's no bad. Emm... Aye" Sandaza

And so it was done. The worlds best striker was able to dance. Professionally. As on the sand.

"I'm just delighted to get him and I'm sure he'll be a handful for all SPL defences ," said United manager Craig Levein.

Welcome back.

As of tomorrow the season will be off and running. Good luck to everyone who's playing over the weekend - especially our friends Rangers (let's face it - you'll need it)!

We've been lucky enough to land no less than seven players over the summer hailing from Scotland, England, Germany, Spain and the dub next door.

In the coming weeks, I'll be profiling these signings in an honest and reflective manner starting this week with Francesco Sandaza (pictured top left).

Signings In:

Scott Robertson (Dundee); Michael McGovern (Celtic); Andis Shala (VFR Mannheim); Paul Dixon (Dundee); Willo Flood, (Cardiff City, loan); Warren Feeney (Cardiff City, Loan), Francesco Sandaza (Valencia)
I've been scouring the internet for opinions on the coming season and our prospects as a team and I've found that over 90% of the pundits believe that Dundee United will finish third. Gotta be happy with that right? One of said pundits is Billy Dodds. To view Billy Dodds predictions click to www.bbc.co.uk/youmustbe-affyernut-rupert

Enjoy the weekend. I'll see some of you in Hamilton.

I'll leave you with some words of wisdom.

"We’ve been climbing a ladder, up a rung at a time. Even when we get beat we aren’t going down – there’s no snakes, its just ladders." - Craig Levein

Small Print.
After much consideration, I have decided that Dundee United Football Club should not be judged on the classic 'points' system for the season of 2008/2009. Instead, there will be a judgement made on what the 'fair' outcome of each match would have been had the team not been cheated and robbed. At the end of the season, a copy of each cup will be rewarded to every player in their squad and they will be entered into the EUFA Cup 2009/2010 due to their 'fair' play.

Here's an interesting fact - "Dub" is Dundonian for puddle.

Get into the new season on Monday! Last one to Hamilton’s a blue nose!

Welcome to the Dundee United blog on Row-Z. For the next season I’ll be commenting on the good, the bad and the ugly Dundee United moments in a completely biased fashion on this page.

If you’ve got any feedback, comments or news you can leave it on this page or e-mail me direct at dufcblog@hotmail.co.uk