Brown Trousered!

A cracking rendition of Walk On followed by the Champion’s League music (Handel’s Zadok the Priest if I’m not mistaken - awright a looked it up) which always makes the hairs on the neck stand up and yes maybe a wee stirring of mini Buff in the trouser region. Celtic started pretty well and had the Danish dobbers on the back foot for the first 10 minutes, who didn’t look up to much; well organised and fit, but hee-haw else. Which made it all frustrating as the game progressed.

Samaras was neat, showed for the ball consistently and in patches looked the man most likely. McDonald a total non-event, which is a pity as they did not look the best at the back. Naka did nothing. The most productive player in an attacking sense was Maloney, who had the beating of the right back every time, which was particularly annoying as we seemed unable to feed him, even when he was in acres of space. The main problem for this and I think the main problem with the whole game, furthermore the season so far, lay squarely in the central midfield, with neither player capable of a decent forward pass. Robson seemed up for a tackle and was constantly barking into challenges and put in a shift - is there anybody in the world who doesn’t know that Barry Robson skuds every penalty he takes right down the centre?

But Brown yet again was a total disappointment and I think, penalty miss aside, he has to be the man held accountable. What happened to the gallus midfielder we signed from Hibs? The crabbitest wee turd on the field who snarled and spat his way through every game. He just really doesn’t seem up for it. He’s no longer crabbit but he is a crab as he can only move and pass sideways. When Strachan signed him, did he cart him down to the vets to get fixed first? When he was on the ball and running at pace, he looked as if he might do something but doesn’t he always look like he’ll do something and then produce eff all. I can’t even remember when he last scored (can’t be arsed searching). The movement of the front players and the fact that the Cheeseboard, sorry, Allborg defence looked like a block of wood, meant the Celtic attack was crying out for someone to play a decent defence-splitter. Even Massimo Donut can make the odd successful forward ball. I thought Crosas really looked the part against Motherwell and it made a real difference to see Celtic pressing forward at pace for a change, rather than this chuffin studied build up. The wee Ginger Guru complains when the fans get restless and should be patient. Bollox! This is our first Champions League game. Against the worst team in it. Stuff being patient. Get tore in. Play a 3-5-2. Drop Andy Winkel he’s a total German sausage. They had one up, as we knew they would and even though they had a couple of chances, never really looked like scoring. It’s all dead predictable.

The game descended into farce, when it looked like the Cheeseboard players were trying to choose who was getting sent off, after the referee and his equally clever linesman, lost sight of who had brought down Ooo Aaa Samaras as he burst through on goal. The number 2 was the culprit, don’t know his name and don’t care - Danish identikit 6’ blonde chap. He cut across big Geordie accompanied by the Mexican looking right back. So who gets sent off? The 6’ 5” brick shithouse with the black crew-cut. Bring back Hugh Dallas - not as a referee though, maybe just to use as a toilet brush. We scored as well, which on another night, with a linesman that had been made aware of the in-line-onside malarky, would have stood.

Strachan is far too loyal to players that aren’t doing a job. Prime culprits for me; lets start at the top. McManus has had a real poor start to the season, yes club captain, but when you’re out of form and there’s a player on the bench who would do a job, then it doesn’t matter. No-one should be bigger than the team, unless it’s Jimmy Calderwood; he’s bigger than the dugout. Hinkle is living on past glories, offers bugger all going forward, teams target him as it’s easier than getting in the shower behind Dale Winton. The Gerries must be desperate to call him back into the national side or has the world ran out of right backs? Kirk Clubfoot is an international back so mibbees aye. Caddis gives much more, as does Mark Wilson (though he was badly fun oot against they who must not be named). But pubic enemy no.1 is definitely Brown. Maybe a spell on the sidelines would do him good. I think he would probably throw the toys out the pram though. It was only 6 months ago that the rumours were Newcastle were weighing in with a £10 million bid. Maybe that would have been the right thing to do. Recently Rangers fans were going tonto over the sale of Cuellar. On reflection that looks a right good bit of business; with that dough they have re-invented their midfield, bringing in Mendes, Davis and Edu. A midfield that recently absolutely dominated us on our own patch.

On a positive, Caldwell has been our most consistent player for the last dozen games or so. I think his great form is the main reason that McManus isn’t exposed more. He can find a player with a long pass and is solid in the air and on the deck. He didn’t have a great game against the bad lads, but he’s a footballer not a wrestler; it would need The Rock (or Balde) to handle a 15 stone French diddy jumping into you every time the ball is in the air. It’s a lovely tactic that Smith has used in every Old Firm game since his return - be interesting to see in the next one who is given the battering ram role.

So we’ve left ourselves with a real mountain to climb. Man U and Villareal drawing as well was a baddie. Strachan has to have a real look at what he thinks his strongest starting line up should be. We have options and it shouldn’t be the tried and trusted everytime, especially when they are off form. Not talking about a squad rotation, as that never works, but surely when you’re playing against a static, packed defence, than having two central midfielders who both look to run with the ball rather than look for an early, forward pass, if you’ve another option up your sleeve use it. Hate to be a pessimist, but the UEFA Cup is already looking more likely. Possibly, if looking for a positive spin, the team weren’t as focussed as they would be, were they facing Villareal or Man U and the form will come, but I’m clutching at straws. Mind you, maybe Cheeseboard aren’t that bad; they did annihilate Kaunas home and away and they’re my 3rd favourite team, after Sellick and Zenit St.Petersburg.