Flatter than Kate Moss' chest

New signing Marc Crosas was paraded (Spanish wonderkids usually cost a bit more than £400,000 - Torres, Fabregas) so the jury is still out on that one. After a strangely muted raising of the flag, which was understandable given the involvement of Tommy Burns’ wife (a really nice touch - although Mr. Reid does like the sound of his own voice) it was down to the action. And what a steaming bucket of pish it was.

The starting eleven was spot on and I was looking forward to seeing how Hartley, Robson and especially Brown played together. The game started at a snail’s pace before slowing right down. St. Mirren looked the more likely side, with Gary Brady, who I think was in the year above Davie Weir at school, having three, albeit tame shots on target in as many minutes. Dire stuff right from the off with no-one looking particularly interested. Fair enough,Gus Macpherson must have studied the Road to Manchester 08 DVD and adopted the tried and tested 9-1 formation but it’s how most teams play when they come to Parkhead, we should be used to it by now.

McGeady was pretty well shackled - Jack Ross is a really good right back and is one of the few that Aiden struggles to rip it out of and I’m surprised John Hughes let him go. Worryingly, as was the trend last season, if McGeady doesn’t play then neither do Celtic. And with no Naka, we really missed someone to get behind a very well organised defence.

Scott Brown has consistently under-performed since his arrival. I remember the arrogant wee sod that used to boss games and snarl his way through 90 minutes for Hibs. He has never reached those levels for Celtic and as time marches on it has to be asked, will he ever? It’s a bad day when the highlight of the game is a stunning save from Artur. He had hee-haw to do for the full game but his save was exceptional. Not since Henrik Larsson have we had a truly world class player on our books, which Boruc undoubtedly is.

From the starting 11 I would give only pass marks to Hartley, Caldwell, Boruc and McGeady (more for persistence than end product). Caldwell wasn’t put under much pressure, partly down to the sterling work of Hartley but he didn’t put a foot wrong and also distributed particularly well. He carried on the great form which he showed in our last 7 or 8 games of the season and really deserves to be given credit from those who have him singled out as a weak link.

Our 2 full backs are rank at the minute, especially Lee Naylor who is very fortunate to be holding onto his jersey and I would suggest that given the way Mark Wilson played when he replaced him, he should start the next game. Similarly Caddis for Hinkel. This would be a real slap in the face for the, as we constantly hear, former German international but he has really underacheived for us and Caddis always makes a big difference whether starting or from the bench.

To the only talking point of note in the game - the penalty. The fact that Eddie Smith had waved away a claim minutes before, when Hesselink was brought down by the keeper after racing onto a slack backpass may have influenced his decision. From his viewpoint I’m sure it appeared of the stonewall variety. When it was slowed to frame by frame and replayed from every conceiveable angle, including the Vennegoor colon-cam it’s clear that our man was as guilty of holding as Haining and it was a very harsh award, which if the penalty is given then it has to be a red. Haining can console himself by going home and having a shot on the swings with his page 3 stunna wife. The most annoying thing about the whole incident for me, was the way that Vennegoor felt the need to hold Haining off when he was right in front of goal. Surely a striker of his quality should be putting chances like that away in his sleep without the need for, let’s face it cheating.

In keeping with the standard of the game Robson’s spot kick trundled over the line with it’s slippers on and I don’t know how many more he’ll get away with just wellying down the centre before someone gets wise. And that was pretty much it. Even though they had 10 men St. Mirren still looked dangerous. Samaras came on and was his usual sluggish self - for a 6’4” target man he is amazingly lightweight in the tackle. So, very little effort and football but ultimately 3 fortunate points in the bag.

Strachan was scathing of his players and had every right to be. Speaking as a Strachan fan my only question in his skill as a manager would be in is ability to motivate the team. The current Celtic team are a highly talented bunch, possibly defence could do with a bit more steel, but there is skill in abundance in every position. Why then do we consistently struggle against lesser opposition? Invariably the current Celtic team start matches slowly. Yes teams sit in at Parkhead but we should have more than enough to see off a team of perennial strugglers like St. Mirren. We are also famous for late goals, possibly second only to the famous 88 centenary side, which is attributed to a never-say-die attitude. I don’t think this is the case at all.

Many times last season we had to grind out a result playing opposition who we should annihilate. I’d love nothing more than to see them come on and blow the other team away. Slow starts are translated as patient, studied build-ups. Late goals down to spirit. We performed best when there was no motivation required; European nights and the must win every game, league run-in. Obviously we’ll never know what goes on behind closed doors but I don’t think Mr. Strachan sends the team out with a Braveheart style call to action - more a bit of sarcasm and a cup of tea. I’m hoping that bringing Neil Lennon in should stop last years malaise creeping in again. And that he kicks a few arses if we are unable to raise our game.

We won’t always be as lucky as we were in this game - still I quite like seeing that greeting face Gus Macpherson’s turning purple. Seemingly the ref winked at him and they’re all out to get him. And we’re paranoid?